Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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