Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
