It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
