she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
