Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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