NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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