i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
