He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
