3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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