What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
