Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
