I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize