hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
