Screwed.edu
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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