it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
