I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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