i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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