hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
