the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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