Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
