i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Michael Bay diarrhea
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
