TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
