____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
