Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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