he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Enjoy the penises
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize