i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
