a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
