i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
