I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
