I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
