Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
