I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
