So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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