there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
