i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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