Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
