Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
