she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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