I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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