Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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