party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
