I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
