Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize