i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
