Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
