I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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