So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
