So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
