my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
In America we eat man semen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
