She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
