Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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