Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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