I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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