Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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