I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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