My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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