he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
