theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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