all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
