what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
