Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
