so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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