the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
