i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
