Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
