That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
