So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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