so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just invented taco cereal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
