dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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