You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
