I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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